TIQA: On men’s circles, co-leadership, and the feminine guide
“Depth. Clarity. Connection. In under 5 minutes, weekly.”
Here’s your weekly TIQA.
One Theme, one Insight, one Quote, and one Action — to help you show up more fully for yourself and those you love.
Take what’s useful. Chuck the rest.
The Theme
This week, I witnessed something powerful in the session room — and especially in our men’s group, where sixteen men of different ages, cultures, and stages of life came together. Some are fathers, some soon-to-be, some single and searching for self-worth. Some arrived with clearly defined gifts/skills to offer, while others weren’t yet sure if they had anything to bring at all.
What united us was a desire to live more fully — and we knew that we needed each other to do so.
In that space — raw, honest, and judgment-free — our shared, human struggles as men became food for camaraderie and fuel for the journey. Old roles began to shed. Vulnerability became strength.
We remembered what’s easy to forget: we don’t have to do this alone.
In fact, we can’t do it alone.
We often forget that no matter how much we think we know about ourselves, we are always blind to our blind spots.
Enrolling your trusted friend, partner, counselor, or men’s group to give you honest and raw feedback is your greatest defense against shooting yourself in the foot — in life, love, business, etc.
Furthermore, your story is another man’s story. Just showing up — hungover or hopeful, numb or inspired — is enough to rekindle confidence, spark a growth-oriented insight, or stir up inspiration in the man sitting across the circle from you.
In connection, we grow.
The Insight
In a world where masculinity is too often equated with domination, intimidation, and control — where the loudest "leaders" are really boys in men's bodies, armed with power but starved of love — something new is emerging.
More and more men are rejecting the old script. We’re not looking to be led by "the one out there" — we’re now looking to “the one in here” and to our peers for leadership.
We’re craving co-leadership, shared power, and the wisdom of knowing when to lead and when to support.
There is a discovery process of “Who am I as a man? How does my life force want to express itself through me in the most authentic way?”
This is a new kind of masculine: YOU — rooted in love, humility, self-awareness, community, and service to something greater than the self.
The Quote
“One of the great paradoxes of life is that self-awareness breeds anxiety.”*
Irvin D. Yalom, Loves Executioner
* Who hasn’t felt that sharp sting when a trusted friend, coach, or partner pierces one of our cherished illusions? It's uncomfortable — and it’s also the beginning of real growth.
The Action
Ask a woman you deeply trust — a partner, friend, sister, mother — for honest feedback. Where might you be blind? Sabotaging yourself? Pushing others away? Chasing the wrong things?
Then listen. Really listen. No defense. No story. Just presence.
It might sting. That’s okay.
Let the sting be a sign that something real is being touched.
These women aren’t your critics — they’re your allies helping you become more of who you truly are. They are your compass to help you course correct.
Take in what resonates. Leave what doesn’t.
The asking alone opens the door to growth and deeper relationship.
Want to share this issue of TIQA? Just copy and paste this link:
https://wholemanmethod.com/articles/tiqa-on-mens-circles-co-leadership-and-the-feminine-guide
Until next week,
Tyler White
Relationship Coaching for Men, Couples & Families
p.s. The Summer issue of Man Alive from New Mexico Men’s Wellness just released — and it’s all about Intimacy. I’m proud to know some of the voices featured in this one. Give it a read.