TIQA: Anger as medicine, turning toward the fire, & courage
“Depth. Clarity. Connection. In under 5 minutes, weekly.”
Here’s your weekly TIQA.
One Theme, one Insight, one Quote, and one Action — to help you show up more fully for yourself and those you love.
Take what’s useful. Chuck the rest.
The Theme
This week, the thread running through my session room, the men's group, and the collective field was anger — more specifically, how anger can become a force for healing.
Let me share a story.
In our men's group, we have a clear agreement: if there's conflict between men, it gets addressed in the group, directly and as soon as possible.
This week, a man had a conflict with me. I had crossed a boundary, and he was furious. In good form, he brought it forward.
Fourteen men held space as we stepped into the fire.
Here’s my personal perspective (others may see it differently):
What began as a calm, analytical exchange quickly cracked open. Rage erupted. Voices raised. Shouts of mistrust, projection, resentment, boundary. It was raw, awkward, real. Rage so full that spit flew from our mouths mid-sentence and our bodies flashed through primal, warlike shapes as we channeled raw, unfiltered masculine power.
Two men, eye to eye in their fury, held in a container strong enough to meet it with love.
What we exposed wasn’t just our personal pain — it was universal.
A river of unspoken, male-on-male wounding came rushing through. Each man in the room shared our same story. Show me a man without anger toward another man and I’ll show you a myth. We all share this wound.
Anger is a part of the fabric of being a man that we are asked to master.
And as a happy bonus, when one of us steps with courage and faith onto the healing mat circumscribed by loving men, that man's process supports the healing process of each man in the circle by proximity — like a pace car cutting through wind resistance, creating a slipstream that pulls the others forward behind him.
To an outsider, it might have looked volatile or dangerous. But inside that space, it was sacred. Courageous. Healing.
To witness two men transform their rage — stepping out of blame and into fierce love, humility, and reconciliation at the end — is to witness a miracle: a glimpse of the new masculine paradigm the world so desperately needs.
This is how men can heal other men with their anger.
I’ve felt tender, nauseous, and exhausted in the days since. Because healing doesn’t always feel good — it usually doesn’t. But it’s worth it. What once fueled separation is now being metabolized, slowly, to serve the will of love.
It was a big step forward — for me, for the group. And hopefully for him too.
May we keep turning toward the fire. Together.
The Insight
Over the years, I’ve seen how people with chronic fatigue, low affect, and impotency come alive again when they begin to move their suppressed rage. This also applies to the other side of the spectrum — ADHD, anxiety, lack of grounding, etc.
Anger, when accessed and expressed with intention and containment, doesn’t destroy — it restores.
It refunds our life force, reconnects us to our boundaries, and reanimates our capacity to live, love, and lead with grounded potency.
But that aliveness only returns when we choose the road less traveled: to directly face those that harmed us with courage (and help if needed) and to stay in relationship with the fire even when it burns.
The only other option is to blame others, slander, project, avoid, and engage in other destructive tendencies. We all do it from time to time.
However, when we resist the seductive siren's call to dissipate our denied anger through addictive tendencies — online smear campaigns, avoiding toxic co-workers, blaming the other sex, numbing with porn, etc — and choose to turn towards the fire, we give ourselves and those around us a better chance at true healing and growth.
Turning toward the fire and bearing its heat with consciousness is the only way to satisfy the soul’s call to grow, break destructive patterns, embody the lesson, and step into fuller life.
The Quote
"A man who is intimate with his anger and who can express it skillfully is a man in whom forcefulness coexists with vulnerability and compassion, a man worthy of our trust, a man capable of deep intimacy."
- from To Be A Man by Robert Augustus Masters
The Action
Take a moment today to reflect on something that recently sparked your anger — maybe it was being cut off in traffic, a dismissive comment from a coworker, or a dirty dish left by your partner.
Now go deeper:
What was the underlying theme beneath that moment? Was it the feeling of being controlled, dismissed, abandoned, disrespected, etc?
Ask yourself:
When was the first time I felt this way? Trace the thread back to the original wound — in childhood, ancestry, or a past life.
Notice how, when left unprocessed, old pain still hums beneath the surface — amplifying our present-day reactions, making them more intense and harder to navigate.
If you feel ready, move some of that old, original anger.
Let your body speak. Scream into a pillow. Pound the bed. Shake. Hit the ground with a stick. Let it be messy, uncomfortable, honest.
Just remember:
Don’t harm yourself, others, or property. And make sure you can return to a state of calm afterward.
That’s the mark of emotional maturity — not that we avoid our rage, but that we learn how to hold and release it safely.
If this feels overwhelming or unfamiliar, reach out — to me, or to another trusted practitioner.
You don’t have to do it alone.
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https://wholemanmethod.com/articles/tiqa-anger-as-medicine-turning-toward-the-fire-courage
Until next week,
Tyler White
Relationship Coaching for Men, Couples & Families